I hate shows about marriage.. I tried to watch The Marriage Story on Netflix this morning and I got about 15 minutes into it and had to shut the tv off. I might watch it eventually, but I might be okay if I don't too. The last scene I watched is Charlie and Nicole going to see a mediator. The mediator was trying to get the couple to see that at one point in time they loved each other very much and wanted to try and get them to see that they might still love certain things about each other. I never used to believe in divorce, I thought of it as a last resort next to death. Until I got to the point that I was ripping apart someone I was supposed to love and care for, until neither of us had nothing nice to say. I got so bad mental health wise. I didn't feel as though I had a support system, I was falling apart every single day, I thought things would just be better for everyone if I wasn't apart of their lives anymore. Maybe if I just wasn't alive anymore. I didn't feel alive, that's for sure. I don't blame all of that on my marriage either, everything took its toll on me all at once.
I hate posts about "marriage is about two people who will never give up on each other", posts about one person in the relationship being unfaithful. Staying was worse than leaving. The couple broke up. One of them jumped the gun on another relationship but that person doesn't believe that relationships require a timeline. You don't have to be together four years before you propose or anything like that, it isn't how life works. I don't believe in timelines. I didn't give up. I felt it was my only option. I am healing, but it will take time. I don't regret my relationship at all, apart of me will always love my ex- husband. But I had to do this for me.
I hated how people reacted when I decided to post about my new relationship after my divorce. Everyone was and still are assuming things about me, for the first time ever, everyone wanted to be apart of my life. Like thank you for being there and giving a crap that I was going through such a hard time and could have used someone to talk to.
I will not apologize for being happy. That's all people on this planet are trying to do is be happy! Why does it have to be about hate, backstabbing and neglect and judging people who are having a hard time or may look a little different. I posted what I posted for me. I am celebrating being in love again because I think I am unlovable. So did I jump? You bet I jumped. I tried to be like one of my friends who did the same thing, she moved on quickly and she decided she was going to completely eliminate social media, if that's what she needed to do I am so glad she did it but I wish that I could still be her friend on social media and see what is going on in her beautiful life. I decided I didn't give a damn. I wanted to post it, it's my life. I wanted support from the people who I knew would be happy for me and to hell with the rest of them.
I think anyone who has a lot to say, probably hasn't been through a divorce before. But they weren't in the relationship you were in. I have seen so many people stay in relationships because they don't believe in divorce or because there are children involved, or they just love the person they are with so much they can't leave no matter how mistreated they are, etc. I have seen people who are so miserable with that decision. What's the point of being with someone (even if you love them) if it makes you so unhappy? You just end up making each other unhappy. I have seen people stay together over their children, what's the point? Wouldn't you want your children to think that a happy marriage is what they should go for and set a good example for them. No matter what (sometimes, not always), at some point you have to love yourself more and do what you have to do to survive and or be happy.
-Hannah Kari